Monthly Archives: July 2011

Life

In a strange way, Nevaeh’s death has made me a better person. She made me realize just how fragile and short life really is. She has made me strive to make myself a better person. I feel like when I am doing something in her memory, I can do anything…I can change the world.

Even though I was 25 when Nevaeh passed away, she made me mature in a way that I hadn’t yet. I really grew up. I appreciated my family more, and stressed about the little things less. I came to realize in the big scheme of things, something as simple as my lipstick looking perfect, really wasn’t important. I started to take less, and give more. I started a new relationship with God. I decided instead of being bitter and mad at him, I was going to accept he had a much bigger purpose for sending us Nevaeh for such a short time.  I loved my husband more, and took him for granted less. Loosing Nevaeh strengthened our marriage and brought us to a whole new level together.

It’s important to me to do things in her memory…it’s one of the only things I can do to show my love for her now. I want people to know who she was. I want people to know how special she was to us. I want people to know how devastated we were to lose her, and how we still miss her every day. I want people to remember her. Although it was five years ago, and she was here for such a short time, I don’t want her memory to fade into thin air. I want people to realize that the pain of loosing a child is like a scar….at first it’s really raw and fresh. In time it starts to heal and fade a little bit, but it is always there. Just not as obvious as it first was.

These are all the reasons that I started Nevaeh’s Rainbow. I want her memory to live on, and help people in the process. I look forward to the month ahead of getting this project off the ground, and truly making a difference in some young mother’s life.

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Great day

Today was a great day. I set out with the mind frame that it was going to be filled with positive thoughts and energy, and it was!!!

I started the day by getting my coworker a diet coke from McDonald’s. It’s her one guilty pleasure. As long as I was at it, I paid for the person’s order behind me. It was so fun!!! Hope it made her day. Made me realize I need to do random acts like that more often, and not just on designated days.

This day is so big. Not only did Nevaeh become an angel, its my grandpa’s birthday, my mom’s 9th anniversary of being cancer free.

It was very cool delivering the care packs. Can’t wait to do more. They were very appreciative. I hope the mom and dads enjoy them, and brings the some comfort in their hard time.

Angel anniversary

Tomorrow is Nevaeh’s five year angel anniversary. Can’t believe it was five years ago already. I have no idea how the day will go. I am going to try to have a good day. That’s why I am delivering the care packs tomorrow. I want to focus my energy on the positive that came out of this. Five years ago I never imagined that something good could come out of loosing my daughter. That’s why this is so important to me.

I am always fine when I think and I write. But as soon as I say something out loud about tomorrow being the date of her death, the tears come. I just told Jason out loud the Nevaeh’s passed away on my grandpa’s birthday. We just celebrated his 92nd birthday with him today. That started the tears coming. But I will be strong, I will forge ahead.

Please don’t forget to do something nice for someone tomorrow…a random act of kindness. I just want so badly for something good to come out of loosing my daughter. Even if we can make this world a better place – a place with love and respect, and kindness – just for one day, it would make my heart happy.

I hope Nevaeh’s is smiling down and happy that her short life made such an impact. I hope she is proud of me.